rambol

if i was to describe my 'perfect partner' it would sound a lot like myself, except they wouldn't have my weaknesses. people think that's retarded... sometimes i like to run through 'normal logic' to check where my perspective on random things differs from the norm, i just aspire to be the things that i love, and since i'm a traditionalist to a degree (want kids and women have vaginas), i like the idea of my partner being someone i respect, not just an attractive other end to an exchange of pleasures one can't have alone.

so why would someone want to be with someone different to them? how do you respect attributes of a person if they aren't ones you desire to have yourself?

- people settle, /story.

i don't want to fucking settle. i want a woman to catch me off guard, read my soul, and only settle for me because i'm the best compromise they've found (obviously the practicality of their commitment is tied to their want for children in my poorly thought out visual)

i'm a reacher (howimeturmother ftw), but i've never met a person on my level with a vag.

wonder if i'll get what i want... i did realise that i am ok with not having everything the day i realised i wasn't going to be able to fly and fire energy blasts, because my kid(s) will be far better than me, and i guess feeling proud of offspring is something i'm really looking forward to (just preferably with someone cool leaning on me and sharing a smile)

kinda leads to another thought i have a lil bit; 'we only live once'. most people are naturally concerned with regrets based on personal experience that relate to happiness/similar, i instinctively however am jealous to a degree of people who have experienced great loss. it just makes sense to me that a parent who has lost a child, or a partner who's soulmate* died have some kind of profound natural thought due to understanding real pain.

*choice of word used to describe death occurring at relationship high point, /emphasis.

i yearn to understand this kind of feeling because i was brought up on fiction, and in a fictional format people can be perfect* - the hero can always conquer all when they're filled with the rage of losing their most important person/in a situation where they need to protect them.

*characters that are created have more drive than people are capable of (at least all of the ones i've met), and their drive is based on morals they've committed to in ways that really can't be matched in any realistic setting. they make more sense to me than anything 'real' does, since the reality of what comprises a person is based on so many different weaknesses, the core of which is generally the want to feel validated. we all suck, and i hate that i can understand what being perfect is, but have no way to achieve it, so, much as i hope nothing bad ever happens to anyone i care a great deal for, i hate that i'll never get to be the version of myself that's driven to live for them if they died, since we only live once etc..

its funny how insignificant thoughts can feel when written compared to the weight they carry when you share them in person with someone, so i'm not sure if you understand the depth that what i'm talking about carries. the random crap i spewed in those couple of paragraphs is more than 99.X% of people will realise in their lifetime

stating this isn't a brag, its venting some hate on the Fworld for producing someone like me and not making other creatures of my species to play with. also i'm editing this in to block future thoughts i might have when rereading this because I'M A BIG F NIT OBVIOUSLY.

i used to think i was a good writer. lol. i still hope i put together a book before i die though.