my girlfriend knows who sephiroth is

Well that's half true, and not in the way i wanted. being with her showed me how far from 'having everything' one person will always be, a good thing to become more aware of i guess as we compromise our way towards inevitable death. hah, i'm not that emo yet :)

Roo is going through something similar with her partner, except she is accepting of their 'want to be free' (maybe she realises that trying to change that want causes a viscious cycle), and i kind of admire that. I've never been goiod at giving people credit for understanding their wants/themselves in that spot tho. isn't it funny how change is always required? props to arranged marriages ldo.

My experience in Japan was pretty sick - i'm using a starbux comp @ Tokyo airport at the moment, about to head out to the land where you byo toilet paper, so i won't get into it too much.. Nikki was a good host, and organised a few cool things to do, pretty epic times tbh, and its nice to be in love in a new exciting place. i remember infy train rides with 40kg of luggage, sweating profusely, but feeling so content - enter kid in candy store, tho apparently i'm less wide-eyed.

the 7elevens in Japan (who started the chain fyfi) play a weird lyricless version of summer night (Grease - i mention the film because i dunno if its actually 'Summer Lovin'), maybe that's why Jap guys like driving cars fast?

My buddy Spratty (sorry i don't mention you more) has about 10 days to complete a little mission or i'ma life block him. gl tho sir, ship the tr.

bleh, 40secs left. gg all. wml.

Soooo....

apparently i've never been as drunk as i was last night, before. i woke up to an alarm at 7am this morning, my woman not in my bed, and my pants removed. i'm trying to put it all together.. there is a glass of water 80% full by my bed, i bet Nikki made me drink it before i slept, so i had a little sip, then smashed my face into the pillow.

see fb for a bunch of photos

Japan is amazing, and keeps reminding me of the phrase "Hauntingly Beautiful" (ty HIMUM), but i never find good spots to use it :)

all i want right now is some of this.

Pic TR

6k day is ok :) good to know ur luckbox still works occasionally.

- btw i really wanted to surprise you all and get a vid up on youtube of a few of us playing this song

lineup:

Jo, Dave, and I on the iPhone Ocarina

how cool is that app srsly, their company also made a leaf trombone app similar to guitar hero, only impossible, and just recently released voice altering software so u can make bomb threats and sheeeet. <3

Daz on guitar hero drums, and Shaun dancing and clapping to boost morale (ldo ;)

- guess we were all too busy, + Roo came over, and we ended up not. soz. its a mini goal of mine to be on youtube sometime.

Last Poker Update

For a while, hopefully.

Well I made it through 8/9 levels, before getting stacked in the ME.  I've seriously lost every flip outside of one 6BB one (discluding durign rebuy period), i'm such a whiney little bitch atm.

can't really be fucked getting into it tbh, i played good all day, picked my 3b spots well

- i'd been nitty for 2 orbits, when utg+1 opens to 625 at 150/300, i know he's weak, and 3b JxThto 2025, (he starts hand with 8.5k, i cover) he flats 99, and it comes 9h7h3h, he crai, i call, 8 on trn, 8 on river (epitome of std).

- i chip up well though, and finally have back to just over average stack when i get QQ AIpre vs the table monkey (loud Greek douchebag), his AK flops a pair on KJTr Qo trn, 6x riv, and he cannot stfu.  that tilted me.  i mucked my cards into his face. then i felt better :)

decided not to play the day 1 repechange, live poker is just too much of a grind.

- good thing for online poker tho, after cashing out more gold for my trip i left 27k online, but after 2 sessions in the last day, i only have 22k, and i don't even know what my equity was since my fucking HeM decided to die, and the cocksucker on their help boards TYPES EVERYTHING IN CAPS, and just repeats himself a lot. sighs.

sidenote:   I like how Vista makes you feel like the boss

If i ever click cancel, i'm always thinking 'Deny'

i also love:

feel like i should spend more time with my mum and sis while i am here, but just wind up being in shitty moods due to poker, so i can't really stand my mum's nagging, and bonnie is a teenager, so she has 101 lolbad priorities, so i don't really feel like i can connect (its hard to influence teenagers frontally, ldo).

played squash with mum today tho, kinda cool game.

idk if trades work, but if i win back 15k before i goto China, i'll spend a month being really nice to strangers.  maybe i'll do that anyway sometime.

- the last time i felt my life was at a crux, i had an 8k roll, and i was moving to NZ.  The future nears again, and i'm hardly any more prepared.

peece, K.

I'll take the usual, thanks

just busted out of the 5k nlh, so i bought a kebab, and found myself smiling while spilling it on my white jumper, standing in the rain, because for the first time in what seems like forever, i do not feel alone. I feel like i have a partner.

back to how i fial though:

i did 2 arguabley bad things in today's donkament (tho i still believe they were +EV)

1. 100/200, i open to 525 from HJ with red TT, CO flats (bad tag), BB calls (lag fish - sammy youseff).

KdJd7c, checks through.

Jo trn, BB checks, i check, btn bets 1100, BB folds, i decide he has like no jacks in his range except AJ (and probably onyl AJs), so i flat.

5o river, i check, he bets 5k, i call kinda fast, and he shows AJs.

2. First hand back after break, 2 ppl at table (old hunchback crown reg semi nit in SB), its ante level, i open to 550, he 3b to 1600, i 4b to 4k (figure i have to size larger vs live fish), he shoves, i fold 75o.

outside of this i played extremely well, i even c/f 33 on 873r as the pfr, and paid a guy $100 to show me a set, and he had 77, fucking send.

was about to double up through a lag who was kinda tilted by me, with AKo, but we were cold 4b by a chick, i folded and the lag folded AQo faceup after 2min or so :(

Ended up getting my 10k stack AI at 200/400/50 with AKo vs JJ, and losing the flip.

- only 1 event left, and i am in a good mood to play it :)

PLOr

Poker update fyi

Ran hot at start, so only had to rebuy+addon 5 times, and had almost 2x average after rebuy period.  played solid, making good barrels, and lots of steals.  decided to tarp with AJK5 on AJ2r HU as the pft, guy pots, i tank flat, 6o trn, i check, he pots again, leaving himself less than a minraise, i send, he snaps, then says "fuck, i misread my hand, thought i had Jack Six!!" rolls over JT97r for the drawing dead, damn bro, pity u didn't have that jack and six.

- there were 61 runners, and infinite rebuys, so they paid top 9, i decided to lose the following 5 allins in a row starting with 15 ppl remaining:

1:  I'd been tight for a couple of orbits, and 3b a guy i'd been sitting with for 4hrs or so, it was my first 3b since the rebuys ended.

600/1200, he opens to 3200 (after just winning the last pot), i 3b pot to 10200 tot with KhQxJh5h , and he decides to call with 14k behind (i have like 55k at this point). sigh

9d6d5x, i stick it in, and he tanks for a couple mins and calls with KxQyTc6c saying "I've got some catching up to do"

obviously that's impossible to win, but so gross he has that hand etc..

i chip up via the croc (pwnt), just barreled him small twice, and floated him once, then he gets AIpre with 6677r vs AA73ds (not vs me).  lul, he was calling me by my name today out of respect i assume, and apologised for his behavious.  what a turdlet. (i'm back at around 46k)

2:  i open utg on AZN shortstack's BB with AKQ4ds, he decided to put in his 10.5k with JJ62hhh (i don't have hearts)

he flops a FD then completes, and it just bricks off.  wp.

3:  i open btn with AcTs7y5s nitty old ethnic guy flats with less than a PSB behind at 800/1600, 642r, i put it in, and he calls with 5778r which holds.  nh.

4:  guy to my left whose position as table lag i'd overtaken quickly, 3bs me with AxKd9d9y, and i get in most of my stack with JJ62ds (live suits), Khi flop, i make a FD on trn, but brick, and have 7k left.

5:  Vnext hand i have QhQx5y6h, i pot it (6handed fyi), folds to SB who gets in AAXY with nut hearts, BB folds 4567 faceup after i put my chips in out of turn.

Ace in the window.

gg.

- so frustrated....  first place was like 16k or so.

feeling good about other things though :)

6m donkament starts in  9hrs, pretty good structure, looking forward to it.

edit:  to anyone else who'se been following, chur, and i'll have some decent updates about non-poker things soon.

omg did u guise sea? a gurl posted a comment on my poast :-)

ANZPT

Goto 8:50 in

meet Billy "The Croc" Argyros, epic douchebag.  also known for being a pos to ivey during the above cash game,

3b billy twice, he limps utg i figure he's like 100% small-med pps, so iso to 850 at 100/200/25 with T8o, fish 2 seats left of me flats, billy l/calls.

966r i opt to 3barrel bricks, so i start with 1175 when checked to, fish folds billy flats.

Ko trn, i decide he's not going to give my 3barrel value range as much credit, so i opt to check back, planning on fake Vbetting most rivers.

9o river, well this is a terrible river to fake Vbet imo, luckily he donks 1600 and NEVER EVER has a 9 here, so i make it 4625 pretty fast, and he folds quickly.

3b him a 3rd time he's down to like 12k at this point, he leans forward and stares at me as he calls, trying to slow me down etc.. with some random speech, i tell him he should focus on what's on the flop anyway, as i cbet and take it down again :)

just before the 2nd break, 3 limp and some guy shoves for 8k billy wakes up with QQ, calls and holds vs KJ, so he has about 22k when the following hand comes up.

billy opens MP2 to 1200 at 200/400/50, i flat CO with AdQx, btn flats, blinds folds.

QxTd2d, billy checks, i check because btn bets any piece, and can't fold to flop c/raises he has a little less thna me fyi (me 40k, billy 22k, btn 28-30k), but sadly he checks back.

9d trn, billy leads 1300, i decide to valueraise to 3225, btn folds, billy makes it 9k fast, i tank a bit and decide he's probably makign his stand with JdT or AxJd or has middle 2 maaaybe, and end up shoving, he snap calls, stands up, and tables KdJd, and asks really loud if i'm drawing dead, i roll my hand over, and he tells the dealer to hold the deck, tells his friends on other tables he's getting it in great vs the dry Ace of Diamonds, then calls for the 8d so that he'd make a straight flush, i lol, and say sure, he realises he's a moron then says Queen of Diamonds!, and the Qd rolls off.  what a piece of shit, the nitfish gets pwnt all day, then thinks he outplayed me when he has to make a stand not to die, and has the absolute pinnacle of his range (tbh he probably has flushes more than i assumed with his 1/4pot trn bet).  anyway, annoying, he's a total piece of shit.

Julius Colman, looks like an old nit, and definitely used to play like one when he was aired on the FT of the 07 Aussie Millions FT, but is kindof a lag in disguise, but i was the only one who really noticed, i still 3b him a couple of times successfully, floated an Ahi dry flop vs him too (no showdown), and it had been a couple of orbits since i fucked with him.

he opens MP2 to 1100 at 200/400/25, he only has about 13.5k to start hand, i 3b to 2875 with T7o, he tanks for like 3min, and opts to flat (i figured he'd fold/shove, and assume he plans on shoving some flops on me)

KdJx5d, i decide to make a fake inducament with 1350, but he bites and raises to 4k, however he did it within 3 seconds, and he usually takes a long time with decisions, so i assumed he was either weak, or levelling, and went for a shove after a little thought.  he snap calls :(

with 9d7d!!! holds ffs :)

brick on trn, and offsuit 9 on river (ldfo)

sighs.

I finally cooler someone a few hands later when i peel AJo IP on a MP opener vs his KQ and hold after a KQTr flop.

goto dinner with some of the young aussie donkamentors, and come back after a lamb salad feeling refreshed.

get moved to a new table 10mins in, 3b vs utg with 99 first hand (he had like 13BB), fold to a 3b shove from 14BB stack with QJo, then...

I 3b this asian kid who seems ok from SB vs his HJ open, i hold A5o, and he opts to micro 4b my 4225 to 8500 he has 34k to start, and i cover slightly.  i consider shoving, but decide to take a stronger line in crai flops + i figure my shove there is too exploitable with my holding, probably ship if suited (mainly because i might not realise this line is better, and i'm ok with 70/30s etc..), anyway

976r, and he checks back (sweet, he bought my repping JJ+ and should fold to barrel trn/shove river)

8s trn, yay :) now i just bluffcatch, but will ship river if he checks back, he bets 14k, and i raise AI

he ginned me with T4o and i don't chop, so i have 3600 which i ship from CO 2 hands later into his BB with A7o he wakes up A9 and peels a 9 on trn, gfg u little cocksucker, thanks for the handshake, wp bro, nh.

/lifetilt, i'm so much better at poker than all of these retards, but there is no redemption at all, i don't even have as much money as 90% of them, so i can't even flip them for their rolls.  ffs.

sigh, i suck.  9hrs of playing pretty optimal too.. hopefully ship the 5k event in a couple days (apparently only going to be 45 runners or so) - maybe i'll stack 'the croc'? :)

What its like to lose 10k in < 48hrs

just numbers on a screen right?

They are most of the time, but when i lose lots of buyins to retards/coolers/etc.. i feel really defeated. The hands don't even matter, i played good all day, except for the last hand, but that was only a 1k pot.

Bad days in poker make you feel like absolutely everything in your life is going the worst it could possibly go.  Sure soem other stuff in my life is far from ideal atm, but i still have lots of good things to look forward to.

I usually feel heaps pent up for a few hours afterwards, or until i find a trigger to release me.  Its a combination of rage and depression, and i feel so helpless inside my own skin.

I want to be in China right now trading heavy punches with someone with the exact same endurance & skill as me, until we both collapse.

I want to cry.

I want to have really rough sex.

Cigarette wouldn't be bad.

Going to get a beer now.

The bottom line is a feeling of lonliness/emptiness

- the best part of days like these is getting to the point where I realise my life is still better than so many other ppls, and that i'm a lucky individual to have decent understanding of things,  and strong connections to respectable people.

ladies and gentleman, that's where i'm headed (albeit hardly there atm).  I get so pumped up to make myself the person i see myself as being after little wakeup calls like this, guess i'm goign jogging tomorrow :)   or watching a season of something with a carton of beer.

- sidenote:  Time being a means for conflict resolution has always annoyed me, moreso that i understand it, yet it still applys to me.

I have just over 30k online now, + a bit of live cash, figure i'm about to spend 10k (at least) over the next 6months, so i'm now thinking about not playing the donkaments i was going to.... hopefully i'll bounce back by tomorrow lunch when they start... altough i am quite ill atm (cold thingee)

churs, K.

Little Pokeher TR

2.5k under equity in some plo this morning and lost 3.5kish.  felt like poos a bit mroe than usual.

- made a trip to crown to play some cash

won a bit with some barrels at 2/5, then got my 5/10 seat - only had 2400 in cash, so bought in for 1k (its 2k max).

first hand - utg straddles couple limps, i complete Ad4x, straddle checks

Jd2d3x, i donk 40, folds to btn who makes it 90, i flat planning on donking diamonds (probably pot barreling riv bricks too).

Ao trn, check, check

Tx river, i bet 210, he calls pretty fast, and tables KK in disgust (lul)

10hands later same villain overlimps (no straddle) i make it 60 with black 77 IP, 2 flats.

JT7r, check, check, 130 from me, same villain as last hand calls.

Ko trn, he crai over my 230 bet for 800ish total, i snap.

Tx river, he doesn't slowroll with KT :(

i iso and cbet a lil, and have about 1300 when 5 limp, i make it 90 with AKo, 5 way to

A23r, all check to me, i bet 160, and find 1 caller (some old guy)

5s turn, he checks (eff stacks are 800), and i don't want to b/c or b/f so i check back planning to re-ev based on his sizing on river, or Vbet if checked to

Tx river, he bet 100, i tank a bit and opt to raise to 375 he moans and calls with worse

finally i have a hand when it's Emad's straddle (my button) black JJ, i open to 65 after its been folded to me, SB 3bets to 185, i call 1700ish eff stax.

993r, he checks after a bit of thought, and leans back in his chair kinda fidgety, which makes me decide that he's weak so i opt to bet 225, he adjust a little more, and raises to 500, i go with my read and flat.

Jo trn, he bets 325 (everything except his 1k chip - lol) i flat after a little tank.

Jo river, he checks (lul), i ship, he thinks a min and calls 680ish.

2mins later he claims he had A9, lol there was no way.  he was a steamy villain, if i'd have sucked out on him, i'm sure i would have seen his hand + he didn't steam, there for he had to have TT or AK/AQ/AX

Emad had 3b me twice so far (bad sizing too fwiw), and i'd folded, i open Qd4d to 65 into his straddle and he makes it 200, i call semifast planning on floating/making plays post flop as opposed to 4b.

JT8r with a diamond, he bets 275, i flat pretty quick.

5d trn, he bets 450 with 2k behind, i tank for a while and shove (i really felt like i gave off physical tells of weakness, felt like such a noob), i cover btw, he moans a bit, but calls with AA, and holds in a 5800ish pot my biggest live pot ever (definitely top 3 biggest ever inc online - biggest ever depending on Xrates).

sigh.

next hand i finally straddle (now that i'm SS'd), 4 limps, i shove 77 for 370 more, utg limper calls with A2s, all other fold, i lose.

reload.

ISO'd a couple with A2o,

345r, someone c/r my 165cbet to 450 and folds to a shove for 350ish more.  lol.

- i end up down $50 for the session, the table breaks a couple orbits after Emad leaves since nobody wanted to play 3max/HU.

i also had a sesh at crown before my Adel trip, i lost $666, so i'm stuck 700ish atm.  donkaments start soon, yay :)

catchya on tha flip

noisette for the druse?

I started this post a decent while ago, was going to give cliffs about a fun weekend, but now lots of the specifics have left me, and i have other things on my mind.

- currently in my hotel room in Adelaide, recovering from a cold. I'll leave my original post as is, but wrap up the end, then go on with other stuffs.

"The last 20 hours (pretend i'd written this immediately after what i'm about to mention) were a great way to remember the GTs with my small group of Auckland friends, hopefully it's a memory that will last :)

Dave had a birthday dinner and drinks shindig at 7pm on saturday (20 runners), and after a tilted shaun drove off in shirt + jeans without daz and I, we opted to Suit Up!(tm) and cab down there with fashionable lateness. We had the 2nd floor (never know if i should say 1st, or 2nd, so u geddit nao i assume) at Molten on Mt Eden Rd, which had great food, and the company made for choice atmosphere - i could have been tarped by the dimmer switch tho.

Ended up being seated next to Jo's friend Kate, who arrived just in time to save me from being setup with Dave's sister in law by her mother (i swear to F gawd), and was a decent person to have a conversation with, even if half of my conversations while stoned are just bouncing thoughts off ppl/tripping over them - tho i think i was ok in that spot : )

Daz sent me a couple of sms while on the opposite side of the table, and then tried to be straight faced (probably due to paranoia of being 'busted'), was funny - just like my friend Jo, who ended up being 80/20 (socialising/networking) with Dave's father (Kate thought 90/10, i was closer to 60/40). I was lolling with Jo, after a seat shift, for most of our time in Molten, at one point we were on such a roll that any word i forced out of my mouth whilst we were both trying to halt the lawls would send her, and thus me, back to loland (i believe 'maori', and even 'poos', got a mention). One of those spots that's hard to describe, but epic to be involved in ldo, hope i did okay.

lmao dave had organised seating (it was 1 giant table - 5 per side), and the gentleman that he had seated to his immideate right - who made V little conversation throughout the evening, would stare jo down whenever she laughed (hyena laugh ftr), i couldn't stop lolling at the thought of him breathing really loud while flaring his nostrils. fwiw i think dave did a good job with the seating. Dave's dad was quite funny - though a lot of it may not have been intentinal (not in a bad way, i was just in the right som), had some interesting things to discuss/povs, and paid for dinner (ty)."

- after dinner we went out

dave, chris, and I pulled an all nighter playing mtg, and i laughed for 3-6 hrs at the sound of the word 'lewn' (2nd winds ftw), then ppl started waking up, we got cafe brekkie, and played this awesome game called balderdash, which resulted in a good sweat, and involved a little soulreading.

the following i had also jotted down, and was planning on merging them, but i cbf apu, and don't really mind 'dot pointing'.

* I'm so full of rage sometimes, want cigarette pretty bad when i feel that way, figure this is part of the physical addiction to nicotine, so i'll hopefully get over it sometime (doesn't help that i'm an extremist on the legit). fwiw haven't been feeling like a cigarette since, though kamilah is now smoking again, and it did seem like fun.

* I have nfi if i can change the part of me that hates people. I don't think existences are equal, and, although i do appreciate my 'good luck', and am Vpolite to good hardworking folk, i feel obligated to bring down people who overrate themselves, especially when their 'purpose' is ridiculously meaningless.

So.. I've moved out of NZ, and am staying with my mum and sis until i next depart - Taiwan, on June 11th, after which I'm planning on going to a monastery in china on July 1st (maybe i'll get seconds on my dinner when its my B'day? omnomnom)

Roo came over to help reduce my excess baggage costs, unfortunately she had to do a bit of uni stuff while here, but we still had some decent ops to hang - went jogging in the cbd half exercise/half tour, that was pretty cool, and she can still give me piggy bax which i used to be fond of


(wheee, i think others have more pics, if i get them, i'll add).

We played a sng, which was pretty funny, killed some zombies, and Roo'n'I talked a bit about my thoughts on some probs + some of her own. good trades.


My memory is kinda failing atm..
My sis has a boyfriend, she's paranoid about intro'ing him to me. makes sense i guess. she's such a teenager right now, i can't really do anything except laugh/smile though, much as i wish i could be a positive influence on her - tho one of my best friends is teachign me that even if you can influence someone in a way you are certain is positive for them, allowing them to choose their path via other means is more pure.

My sister 'in-law' has a 18month old son. i like talking to children of that age like they are anyone else. my womanly bits get all maternal sometimes, i think sunlight is a factor (sunglight also gives +5 to dexterity while playign golf, if u didn't know already).

- i hate bright unnatural light btw, if you've ever tried turning a ceiling light on in my room you'd know that tho. unsure if i've jotted that down ftr, so excuse the possible re-itteration (which i'm sure i do too much of - a general apology, rather).


I'm going through a bit of a thing with Nikki at the moment, and its making it harder for me to be her friend, which i sense she needs. I care about her just enough that it is too much for me to not get messed up by some of her choices, and in turn she gets stuck between 2 worlds (at least in moments) since she cares about me and my feelings. the best choice for us is probably just for me to let go - i'm not really sure how 'free' she feels atm, knowing that i still think about her often etc...and that detracts from a lot of what she wanted out of what she is doing now/near future.  i was left hoping she'll shift in a way that i want (i'd had that thought for a while), but i always knew i could never accept her on terms like that, and now that she's drifting more in the opposite direction, it may the best time to say goodbye to her.



http://www.wimp.com/japanesecomedians/
must suss imho.

- Both Roo, and Ella are going through some shit atm also, its ncie to have ppl in a similarish spot to trade whines with, espec ones that know you well. Feel bad for R, and am kinda glad for E though.


Vic champs are starting in a few days @ Crown, hopefully win some gold, then learna bit of mandarin in taiwan + be touristy maybes, before i become 'another' (i have a feeling) white guy throwing punches on old concrete because they watched too many martial arts films/beat off to dbz. good thing i like to compete with myself, the first place i go to will probably not be much more than a window (they have the internet [ffs!?], unsure if iz win/lose), but its a start. I'm not sure if i want to committ to that kind of lifestyle permanently, but this time, i don't feel like making any predictions (ty).


- I hate writing emo stuff here because i'm usually just more on 1 side of the coin than the other on a given day, so i don't really feel like i'm summarising my feeling adequately, but i do come off like i enjoy deepthroating a cock or 2. gg me. figured some of you would like a little update on my romantic sitch.
I'll probably have left all of these thoughts behind me in a couple of months anyway, idk if i'll be updatign while i'm in china, if not, feel free to assume that i'm in good shape, and picture me doing 2 finger pushup competitions with 10yo monks, losing my food coupons, then thinking he got lucky 'again' as he's chuckling and getting his fist bumped by his homies.